rusty_armour (rusty_armour) wrote,
rusty_armour
rusty_armour

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Why My Mom Thinks I'm Disturbed



Tonight, my family celebrated my brother's birthday by going out to Pizza Hut. While we were stuffing our faces, my brother pointed out this black & white photograph of a steam engine on the wall behind my parents' heads. He said it might be almost as old as me and I said, "Hey!" However, both the picture and his remark triggered a memory I decided to share. I said to my mom, "I've probably told you this already, but I used to think everything in the past was in black & white."

Both of my parents stared at me blankly and I could almost hear them asking, "What?"

I attempted to explain. "You know how old films and pictures are in black & white? Well, I thought everything in the past must have been that way."

"You thought everything was in black & white?"

"Well, yeah. I was really young at the time." Then I made the mistake of revealing another interesting tidbit. "I also wondered if animals in different countries sound different because people speak in different languages."

I think by that point, my dad had started laughing, while my mom just looked vaguely uncomfortable.

"Come on. You must remember me telling you that before."

"No," my mom said. "I'm pretty sure I would have remembered if you had."

"So did you think the colour fairies suddenly decided one day to paint everything in colour?" my dad asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know. I guess."

My mom just stared at me. "When you were a kid, I had no idea when you were so--"

"Neurotic?" I suggested.

"Disturbed," my mom said.

"What? I'm sure there were other kids who thought the same thing. I'm going to ask around and find out."

My mom just gave me this long-suffering look. "I would keep quiet about it if I were you."

She's probably right because she's my mom and mothers have an annoying habit of being that way. In fact, I once joked to her that the only reason women had children was so that they could finally be right. For some reason, my mom didn't think it was funny.

Anywaaaaay, the whole "It was black & white because it was in the past" revelation was a running joke for the rest of the night. Well, until my Uncle G called. As it was 9:45, my mom decided not to pick up, so we got Uncle G's voice on the answering machine instead:

"Hi, K. It's G. I know it's late, but I was printing out C's report on her ghost walk and had to run out to get more paper because it was thirteen pages long."

I covered my face and blushed, though I was laughing all the same. The rest of my family was laughing even harder.

"It must be that long because of the pictures," I said. "The text isn't more than seven or eight pages. And why is he printing it out anyway? I wasn't expecting him to."

My mom provided the most likely scenario. "He was probably printing it out so he could send it to your Uncle S and Aunty A. He likes stirring them up. You should tell them about how the past used to be in black & white. I'm sure they'd enjoy that too."

So...my family now thinks I've even more disturbed than they originally suspected, which is something I didn't think was possible. However, in my defence, I think I've said and done things that are much worse than what I confessed to at Pizza Hut. Maybe my parents blocked it out or something. I sometimes wonder if parents are programmed to do that in order to prevent them from giving up their kids for adoption or leaving them on the side of the road somewhere. I hope aunts and uncles share a similar ability because I'll definitely seem more bizarre to Uncle S and Aunty A if they do read that report on my ghost walk... *g*
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