rusty_armour (rusty_armour) wrote,

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Demon Tofu Birthday Surprise: A Supernatural Adventure

I should probably explain. In 2006, I decided to write a little Supernatural fic for jackycomelately's birthday. As often happens with my stories, it ended up being a little stranger than I'd anticipated. It also contained a certain element that would end up being the feature creature in the next two birthday fics: demon tofu. Anywaaaaay...when I asked jackycomelately what fandom-related treat she would like this year, she requested another demon tofu story. She also gave me permission to share this year's fic – as well as the previous stories in this warped little series – with the world. And, so, poor flist, I'm unleashing all four stories on you – starting with the first fic tonight and the remaining three stories (including this year's birthday submission) over the next few days.

Title: Demon Tofu Birthday Surprise: A Supernatural Adventure
Author: Rusty Armour
Summary: Dean gets more than he bargained for when he orders Tofu Birthday Surprise.
Word Count: 698
Rating: PG-13
Warning: This story contains tofu...demon tofu!
Spoilers: None I can think of.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Winchesters and I don't want to own them. Those boys are all dark, twisted and tormented inside, so I'm only willing to make very brief visits to their universe in the interest of birthday fic.
Author's Note: This was written in 2006 for jackycomelately's birthday. Somehow our friendship survived the experience. *g*

So...I heard there might be birthday cake.

As was Dean Winchester's lot in life, he was once again sitting in some small town diner with dusty venetian blinds and bad vinyl upholstery that was older than he was. Sam had taken off again after whining for the umpteenth time that his older brother was suffocating him and he needed his space to grow and become the upstanding young man that everyone kept telling him he would become if only he could stand on his own two feet, etc. As Dean knew that Sam was only in the next town over, he didn't see the need to panic much, or do any of those other girly things that men in touch with their feelings liked to do. No, real men sat in small town diners and ordered specialty desserts, like Item 5: Tofu Birthday Surprise.

Dean didn't exactly know what this "tofu" thing was, but he was a real man and, so, was willing to try anything once, like lying naked in a crop circle. That kind of thing. And so what if it wasn't his actual birthday? He knew that he was entitled to at least one this year, and now seemed as good a time as any to celebrate. Just as it had been the previous week when he was consuming that birthday special at another diner in another small town far, far away. But we'll save that story for another day, boys and girls.

Anyway, Dean had just finished flirting with the very voluptuous waitress (who was not yet 18) and was about to dig into the Tofu Birthday Surprise. He was lifting his fork to his lips when a high-pitched scream pierced the diner.

"Don't do it, Dean! That's not real cake! It's demon tofu!"

"God dammit, Sammy!" Dean threw his fork down on the greasy table. "I thought you were off spreading your wings." Shaking his head in disgust, Dean walked over to his baby brother to teach him what for.

Are you saying this whole diner
is made out of demon tofu?!

Sam rolled his eyes as Dean grabbed him by his jacket. "We so don't have time for this right now. We have to get out of here before they tear the meat off our bones and sacrifice us to their demon tofu god."

Dean stared at Sam in confusion. "Say what?"

"It was in Dad's journal," Sam said. "He visited this diner back in '77 – during his vegetarian days. By the sounds of it, he barely escaped with his life."

"Because of the tofu?" Dean asked.

"Because of the demon tofu. According to Dad's journal, the whole diner, and everything in it, is made of the stuff." Sam shivered involuntarily. As Dean took in the voluptuous under-aged waitress he had been flirting with, he shivered too. He stepped in front of his brother protectively and stared the demon occupants of the diner down. He even shook his finger for good measure.

You stay away from me and my
brother, you demon tofu freaks!

"Don't think you're fooling anyone with your charming small town diner facade!" Dean said. "We know what's going on around here! You people should be ashamed of yourselves!"

The voluptuous underaged waitress instantly dissolved into tears and hid her face in her apron. The owner of the establishment and his very vegan wife stepped forward to try to reason with their unhappy patron, but Dean wielded his mighty pointy finger as if it were Excalibur itself.

"You stay away from me and my brother, you demon tofu freaks!" he shouted. "You'd better pray to your totally inappropriate gods because Sammy and I are going to come back here with some big ass crosses, tanks of holy water, and...and whatever else we'll need against demon tofu!" And, with that, Dean turned and stalked out of the diner. Sam, being a little more polite, waved and said good-bye. Then he went off to join his brother in the car.

As the Impala sped out of the small town with a squeal from Dean, and a loud screech of tires, Sam looked out the window and smiled to himself.

Sometimes it was just too easy to con the family con artist.

Tags: demon tofu, fic, supernatural
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